I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
