If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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