HIV tests are more positive than that guy
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
