I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
