apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
