When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
