I think my vagina is haunted
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
