In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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