Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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