That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
