i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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