one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You made out with two different species that night
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
