im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
