Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
