Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Porn is love you can see.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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