he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
