The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Randomize
