he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
how drunk are you?
Several
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
