When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
