I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
