He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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