So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
