There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it glows. i had to have it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
