i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
