How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
