My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
that is very illegal...i love you.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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