Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
