Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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