my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
