my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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