Acid is not a monday night drug
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
