fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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