And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
