Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
