dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
