You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
