You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
