also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
