mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have feelings that need drinking.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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