You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
