Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Who put my cat in the fridge?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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