Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
