Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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