I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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