Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
