She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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