Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
