I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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