I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
