I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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